Hope, Faith and something
Honestly. I had been struggling with my past for the last few months as a string of incidents have brought out the realization that I was still being haunted by my past and it was affecting not only my faith, but my relationships and health as well. This is also the reason why I started to go on a journey of healing, and I admit that it has not been easy as well-since I am still beating myself up when I slip back to old or undesirable habits. And sometimes, I am tempted to put up the glass bubble once again*, since I feel that I have to change and become perfect and mature to be accepted.
(think caterpillars getting into cocoons and emerging as butterflies)
But that's not what God wanted for me, He showed His faithfulness to me when I needed it. God helped me out through so many ways, like that one time that we were out-of-town-He helped me control my excitement and at the same time, I did enjoy the event without the need for me to distance myself from the others. As I was writing this, I realized that this is what life with God really is about-it's not about attaching yourself to impermanent things, but it's also not isolating yourself from everything, but rather it is putting Him on top, so that you can see, feel and radiate His love towards everyone else.
.
I admit that there are still roadblocks to the channels of God's love and that is my past. Although I am renewed in Him, I still admit that I don't feel like the new creation as advertised in 2 Cor. 5:17 and I do admit that I still look at posts about the things that happened a loooooong time ago and I still feel hurt about what has happened to the point where I avoid the people involved in those incidents because of two things: 1. I don't want people to think of me as that person whom they knew in the past and 2. I feared that they will hurt or try to change me again.
But then, that wasn't true-I do admit that I was attached to the pain of the past since I felt that they did not match up to my expectations. I thought that they would understand me, I thought that they would accept me for who I am, not to hurt or change me into someone I'm not-but I was wrong. And I buried and carried this pain for years until God showed me that I had to deal with the pain by turning to Him since He knows that I have been weighed down for so long and I didn't know it.
Right now, I do realize that I have to see things outside my point of view since it will help me to forgive and understand why the people who have hurt me have done that and wallowing in my self-pity, thinking of myself as the victim was a bad move since I admit that I am not a saint and have done bad choices as well.
As of this writing, I admit that I still struggle with opening up, overthinking and dealing with my flaws without rushing/forcing change. But I have learned that the solution to all of this is relying on God as He will never abandon us, He is merciful and most of all, faithful.
Now, I have decided to put one of my posts back into the drafts bin since the content of the post and this one are too similar and I had just expounded on this since God proves to be faithful not only in the good but bad times as well.
Verses:
1 Samuel 12:22 NLT
The LORD will not abandon his people, because that would dishonor his great name. For it has pleased the LORD to make you his very own people.
2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
Romans 3:3-4 NLT
True, some of them were unfaithful; but just because they were unfaithful, does that mean God will be unfaithful? Of course not! Even if everyone else is a liar, God is true. As the Scriptures say about him,
“You will be proved right in what you say,
and you will win your case in court.”
And here is something to read about as well:
https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-expectations.html
(think caterpillars getting into cocoons and emerging as butterflies)
But that's not what God wanted for me, He showed His faithfulness to me when I needed it. God helped me out through so many ways, like that one time that we were out-of-town-He helped me control my excitement and at the same time, I did enjoy the event without the need for me to distance myself from the others. As I was writing this, I realized that this is what life with God really is about-it's not about attaching yourself to impermanent things, but it's also not isolating yourself from everything, but rather it is putting Him on top, so that you can see, feel and radiate His love towards everyone else.
.
I admit that there are still roadblocks to the channels of God's love and that is my past. Although I am renewed in Him, I still admit that I don't feel like the new creation as advertised in 2 Cor. 5:17 and I do admit that I still look at posts about the things that happened a loooooong time ago and I still feel hurt about what has happened to the point where I avoid the people involved in those incidents because of two things: 1. I don't want people to think of me as that person whom they knew in the past and 2. I feared that they will hurt or try to change me again.
But then, that wasn't true-I do admit that I was attached to the pain of the past since I felt that they did not match up to my expectations. I thought that they would understand me, I thought that they would accept me for who I am, not to hurt or change me into someone I'm not-but I was wrong. And I buried and carried this pain for years until God showed me that I had to deal with the pain by turning to Him since He knows that I have been weighed down for so long and I didn't know it.
Right now, I do realize that I have to see things outside my point of view since it will help me to forgive and understand why the people who have hurt me have done that and wallowing in my self-pity, thinking of myself as the victim was a bad move since I admit that I am not a saint and have done bad choices as well.
As of this writing, I admit that I still struggle with opening up, overthinking and dealing with my flaws without rushing/forcing change. But I have learned that the solution to all of this is relying on God as He will never abandon us, He is merciful and most of all, faithful.
Now, I have decided to put one of my posts back into the drafts bin since the content of the post and this one are too similar and I had just expounded on this since God proves to be faithful not only in the good but bad times as well.
Verses:
1 Samuel 12:22 NLT
The LORD will not abandon his people, because that would dishonor his great name. For it has pleased the LORD to make you his very own people.
2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
Romans 3:3-4 NLT
True, some of them were unfaithful; but just because they were unfaithful, does that mean God will be unfaithful? Of course not! Even if everyone else is a liar, God is true. As the Scriptures say about him,
“You will be proved right in what you say,
and you will win your case in court.”
And here is something to read about as well:
https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-expectations.html
Comments
Post a Comment