The Looking Glass

 Right now, I admit that I felt a tinge of envy once again when I found out that a dear friend of mine is taken. I honestly admit that despite the fact that I'm not yet ready to be in a relationship as I want to heal from my past trauma, there are times where I would fall into societal pressure to get a boyfriend especially at my age and it doesn't help that certain thoughts have entered my mind: "What if all your friends fall in love and leave you behind?" "What happens when you grow older, who will take care of you?" "No one wants to be with you because you're too loud/annoying/exciteable/emotional/childish/so-and-so..." And there I was again, drowning in a spiral of shame and terrible past memories where I was reminded that I will always be the backup, the third wheel, that weird girl and the kid with no friends. This attack happened once, last year and almost spoiled my trip to Aqua Planet. Now it's back again, and I admit that it will ...

  A week later after my break, I had decided do to something interesting in Guardian Tales and that was to try stepping into the Top 100 of Colosseum, since my team was already strong enough to deal with most players' lineups and because I wanted to chase someone. It was none other than our former guild member who had left us a few days before the World 10 patch due to a joke gone wrong, I honestly felt betrayed by what he did since he wasn't hitting T100 with us in Expo-but he was hitting T100 on his current guild. So I decided to chase him, only to end up losing and not making it into T100 and I admit that this has caused some stress, but I didn't mind it at first. But then, I realized that I was nearly hitting rock bottom once again when I accidentally lashed out due to arena stress. And that the toxic feelings were back once again, as I was stressing out over a video game. There, I realized that I had overexerted myself by being too engrossed with trying to chase that f...