Burnout

 

Hey dear readers, I know it has been a long time since I had consistently written something in this little blog of mine (well, excluding "Stay") but it was quite a long gap between this and my last post for 2021. If you're all wondering what the heck happened to me, it was because I was feeling burnt out lately. At first, I thought it was just stress since I was also adjusting to a major change in my workload (read: my boss and I covered for someone's mess when they left) and I thought I would get over it in due time...

I was wrong.

Soon, my boss noticed that I was losing focus and could no longer adjust to the sudden demands of the workplace and it turned into a negative feedback cycle which made me doubt myself even more and caused depression. I started to lose interest in the things that once made me tick and felt more like a spectator in life instead of living it. Comparing myself to friends and other people also became a consistent companion despite the many warnings that comparison is a thief of joy, why would I even follow that mantra? My joy is virtually non-existent anyway.

Even following God seemed more like a chore, despite knowing the fact that He can sustain me in my lowest of points-but the thing is, it's hard to apply the things you have learned if your feelings say otherwise. But then again, feelings do lie...and again, just like the other nuggets of wisdom-they are just being tossed into some proverbial box, not to be touched until the next episode...or season.

It was only in reflection, Google and seeking out help, I realized that I was suffering from burnout. All the efforts that I did in the past two years of stepping up and trying to put on my big girl pants ended up with me crashing off a wall and burning off.

Now, I can't really offer yet a solution to this burning situation...but then again, God has proven to me that He would never let any of His sheep go astray for long. I do hope that God's living waters would extinguish the burning flames and restore me.

But I also realize that I cannot yet go back to who I was before I burnt out, the only thing I can do is to rise from the ashes, one small step at a time.

And again, I will leave you all with a verse.

John 4: 13-14 (NIV)

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”