Finding Me
(A sequel to my old but gold post: Finding Maturity)
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In the past few months, I had been weaving in and out in various issues as I had to deal once again with taking things personally, not being invited and feeling like I'm not mature enough to tag along with everyone. This has left me tired, anxious and worst of all-it has led me to believe once again that I'm unwanted, immature and annoying. And in return, I ended up hurting the ones I love since I was overthinking and at the same time, I also ran away from God since I feared that His best for me would involve more hurt, loss and punishment.
I remember what Bro. Velden Lim (guest preacher for Feast Makati Salcedo) said about sin. It is because the devil has laid out the lie that we are unwanted and unloved by everyone including God, and in return sin happens. The devil redirects our starving love into things that aren't God and in return, we get hurt, disappointed and discouraged. In this case, I was looking for approval from my group of friends. Every day turned into a game of keeping up with the Joneses, and I felt that I had to always adjust to them, when in reality-there are times that I have to adjust along with them.
My body also felt this, as one bout of anxiety turned into a half-day sick leave as I was vomiting at the comfort room. As the months have passed by, I felt that I had a need to always be there-to always be noticed, so that people will invite me and that I can feel loved and appreciated. But the Lord has shown me in the past few weeks (prior to the on-going enhanced community quarantine) that this had to stop, I had to stop pleasing others, I had to accept that I wouldn't be invited all the time-but that doesn't mean I'm a jerk and I had to stop thinking that the past is out there to rear it's ugly head on me.
Right now, I had made a decision to finally accept who I really am-as God sees me
I admit that this will be difficult since I grew up believing that I was different, weird, unlovable and annoying. But, I know one thing for sure-God is always there for me every step of the way and this ECQ has been vital in self-reflection and healing.
Main Lessons:
1. Keep on walking with God!
2. Maturity is not an end goal and it certainly won't make everyone like you, it won't cure your anxiety and depression-but only God can.
3. Being normal does not exempt you from trials and tribulation.
4. I know that accepting and loving yourself is difficult, especially since it requires decades of undoing and unlearning lies-but it's gonna be worth it.
5. Don't be afraid to keep in touch with others, I do admit that I suck at chatting and would rather do something else that doesn't involve chatting, but sometimes a little share, like or PM will go a long way.
----
----
In the past few months, I had been weaving in and out in various issues as I had to deal once again with taking things personally, not being invited and feeling like I'm not mature enough to tag along with everyone. This has left me tired, anxious and worst of all-it has led me to believe once again that I'm unwanted, immature and annoying. And in return, I ended up hurting the ones I love since I was overthinking and at the same time, I also ran away from God since I feared that His best for me would involve more hurt, loss and punishment.
I remember what Bro. Velden Lim (guest preacher for Feast Makati Salcedo) said about sin. It is because the devil has laid out the lie that we are unwanted and unloved by everyone including God, and in return sin happens. The devil redirects our starving love into things that aren't God and in return, we get hurt, disappointed and discouraged. In this case, I was looking for approval from my group of friends. Every day turned into a game of keeping up with the Joneses, and I felt that I had to always adjust to them, when in reality-there are times that I have to adjust along with them.
My body also felt this, as one bout of anxiety turned into a half-day sick leave as I was vomiting at the comfort room. As the months have passed by, I felt that I had a need to always be there-to always be noticed, so that people will invite me and that I can feel loved and appreciated. But the Lord has shown me in the past few weeks (prior to the on-going enhanced community quarantine) that this had to stop, I had to stop pleasing others, I had to accept that I wouldn't be invited all the time-but that doesn't mean I'm a jerk and I had to stop thinking that the past is out there to rear it's ugly head on me.
Right now, I had made a decision to finally accept who I really am-as God sees me
I admit that this will be difficult since I grew up believing that I was different, weird, unlovable and annoying. But, I know one thing for sure-God is always there for me every step of the way and this ECQ has been vital in self-reflection and healing.
Main Lessons:
1. Keep on walking with God!
2. Maturity is not an end goal and it certainly won't make everyone like you, it won't cure your anxiety and depression-but only God can.
3. Being normal does not exempt you from trials and tribulation.
4. I know that accepting and loving yourself is difficult, especially since it requires decades of undoing and unlearning lies-but it's gonna be worth it.
5. Don't be afraid to keep in touch with others, I do admit that I suck at chatting and would rather do something else that doesn't involve chatting, but sometimes a little share, like or PM will go a long way.
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